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wendybird1052
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Name: wendybird1052
Birthday: 7/18/1966
Gender: Female
Interests: Creating music, gardening, children, laughing with friends, reading, learning new things, studying to be a paralegal
Occupation: Mother and student
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/14/2006
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| I've been playing on facebook. I'd avoided it for a long time, because I knew how I would react. Wow, can I waste time there. Like I have time to waste. And like I should be playing on the computer when I'm supposed to be resting my arms. I am seriously paying the price, and it HURTS.
However, I've reconnected with some folks I'd lost touch with. That's a good thing. But it is very strange having my brother and my co-workers and my former study partners and my church friends and my online friends and my high school friends and children of my friends all in one place. I'm still wondering how long it will be before it all blows up in my face.
It's both good and bad, and I'm still weighing whether it is worth the it to me. But dang, mafia wars and mafioso are addicting!
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| I've finally figured out that I need help.
I need somebody to pick up the dry cleaning and plan the meals and go to the grocery store and wash the dishes and do the cleaning and take care of the laundry and the mending. Somebody to go to parent teacher conferences and cart the kids to and from activities and help with homework and be home to take care of them when they are sick. Someone who will weed the garden and take the car in for an oil change and make the house pretty and homey. Someone to talk to the garbage man about why they didn't pick up the trash and call the phone company and track down the book that was ordered three weeks ago that still hasn't arrived. Someone to maintain the family calendar and take the kids shopping for shoes and schedule haircuts and go the bank. And somebody who will do all these things for free.
It looks like I need a wife!
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It really is almost ridiculous how mercurial my moods are. A few days ago I felt completely defeated. It was spring, but you certainly couldn't tell by me; I was falling into what I usually call my February slump: all was
hopeless, all was pointless, nothing was worthwhile, there was no possibility of improvement...
Friday it started raining. I stayed at work until 5:00, and I shouldn't have; I overdid it, and I've been paying the price in arm pain since. I got home to find my basement flooded, so I sucked it dry with the vac. (At some point my neighbor is really going to want her wet/dry vac back. I hope it isn't soon!)
Saturday, after removing the water from my basement again, I went to bible study. I have to leave at 8:00 and then drive an hour to get there. I realize joining a study so far away wasn't exactly a wise decision on my part, but it is a good study with wonderful people. One of the ladies (who by chance happens to be the stepmother of one of the women in the band with me) said, "Well, time to get out the olive oil again." I wondered what kind of breakfast we were having! Instead, they anointed my wrists with olive oil and prayed over me. It was just so... kind. Sweet. My pastor had anointed me with scented oil a few weeks ago, but this meant so much more to me. I think I was just in a better place to receive it. Such very giving people, to take me in as one of their own after knowing me for only a few weeks. It warmed my heart and made my arms absolutely tingle.
After the study, it was pouring, utterly pouring, but I didn't want to go home and face my flooded basement again. So I got my ex's permission to steal back my daughter for a few hours so I could take her shopping for a sweater to wear over her Easter dress. (Unfortunately, this afternoon I found a coupon for 25% off at the store where we went shopping! Dang it! Edit: The store says they will honor the coupon if I take it in. So I'm going to the mall again!)
I took my Sunshine out for lunch (a nice treat for both of us) and then we dashed in to the mall. Except... I forgot to make a mental note of where I'd parked. So when we were done shopping, I left my daughter inside by the door and went searching through the parking lot. The rain was freezing by then, so I was pelted with tiny, needle-like ice pellets. And it was coming in torrents. You couldn't see more than a few feet in front of you; I couldn't see cars and they couldn't see me. And I couldn't see my car, not anywhere. Ice kept forming on my glasses. All color was washed away. I searched the lot for well over half an hour. Yes, I really am that stupid to lose my car. But eventually I found it and got my daughter back to her dad's. As I drove the half hour home, the rain let up to a dreary drizzle.
I got home to realize I had 50 minutes before I had to leave again. So I went down and vacuumed up a couple hundred pounds of muddy water to get the basement "dry" again (only about 24 gallons, but it sounds so much more impressive in pounds!) I searched frantically for the shirt I needed (but never found) then jumped in the shower. Though I tried to dry my hair, I was still pretty wet and bedraggled when it was time to go again.
Some friends from the band and I were leading music for a Chrysalis service. Chrysalis is the high school version of the Walk to Emmaus. The folks involved with Chrysalis/Cursillo/Emmaus and all the related walks are just different, changed. Committed. Plugged in. I cannot tell you what joy it brings me to worship with them. They actually sing. You can see in their faces that they are truly engaged in worship instead of going through the motions. And when I'm chosen to help lead the worship it is.... wow. It is a little like that heady feeling of falling in love. Your soul wants to dance, or maybe fly, and you just can't keep silent; your heart is singing. It's like that.
So I got home at 11:30, cleared out the water again, and then had trouble falling asleep.
I woke this morning to find that spring had been interrupted by several inches of snow. It was beautiful, fluffy and wet, sticking to everything. I do worry about some of the bushes; they are normally over 10 feet high, but were bowed down to less than half their height, looking almost prostrate on the ground. A few branches were broken. Fortunately, we had no leaves yet so I've a feeling that many of the bushes will recover, but I doubt we'll get many blooms this year. The best news was that since the water was frozen, the flood in my basement was interrupted too; hooray! As I drove to my ex's city to get my kids, I saw several power/phone/cable lines down, and many cars in ditches.
And then I saw the funniest thing. How I wish I could draw to show you what I saw! It has... or had... been spring here for a few weeks, with temperatures in the 70s many days. The summer birds have returned. Last night's big snow took everybody by surprise (Though it isn't really uncommon to have snow in late March or early April.) The plows, when they went through at all, had only made cursory passes, throwing big crags of packed snow up in rather random places. Today as I drove up to my ex's house, I saw a little robin redbreast sitting on top of a 3 foot pile of snow in the middle of a street. He looked so very confused and so out of place that I couldn't help but smile.
We got to church with only minimal slipping and sliding, and my lesson went fairly went. (We used puppets, so by definition it had to be fun.) It was the last class in this session, so I guess I'm done teaching for a few weeks. I need to get into an adult class, but it really is enjoyable and fulfilling when I get to work with the kids.
The sermon was wonderful, as always. We are so blessed to have pastors who are not only good at the interpersonal stuff, but also good at managing and at preaching and teaching. The newest pastor is semi-retired and joined us just last summer, and he is such a delight to have around. I tell you, he could make a living as a comedian. You learn while you laugh. He's just that good.
Then this afternoon after I took two of the kids back to their dad's, I checked the basement: bone dry. Even though the sun is shining and the snow is melting like crazy. Yesssss! I lay down for a little nap while son #2 prepared for an afternoon retreat. As I lay there in my cozy bed, Cat #1 came and curled up in my arms. Cat #2 came and lay down on top of me. Each of them was lying on one of my wrists. It not only immobilized the wrists (which I tend to flex/stress while I'm sleeping) but the warmth and purring was so incredibly therapeutic. Ahhhhhh.
And I realized that somewhere along the course of the weekend, my foul mood has been interrupted too.
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| Monday there is a motion for summary judgment on a case I've been working on since November.
Seriously, almost all I've been doing since November is summarizing depositions for this one case. And I've been working frantically to get them done, because my supervising attorney indicated that it was urgent and we really needed these summaries. In fact, over Christmas break I was staying at work until 10 or midnight on weekends as I tried to get them done. I believe it was all the typing I did for this case (combined with the typing for my class) that led to my tendinitis and my arms not working right for the past two months. (The doctor and the occupational therapist agreed that it was from overuse.)
I have tried, but I could not get anybody to look at any of the summaries I've done. (I wanted feedback to see if I'd done them in the way that my attorney wanted.) And now... now it looks like all my work has been for nothing. Nobody will ever see them. Nobody will get any use out of them. Hell, they haven't even been a learning experience for me, because I could get no feedback, so I have no idea if I've been doing them right or wrong.
Mind you, it would be good to have this case go away. Our client is clearly in the right and should not have to waste his time and money defending himself. For his sake, I hope this goes away as soon as possible.
But I'm left feeling pretty... I can't come up with the words for how I feel. I have had NIGHTMARES about this case. I have stressed out terribly because I thought what I was doing was important and I wanted to do it right. But now I find out it doesn't matter? 5 months of my work is absolutely worthless?
I did not bust my tail to become a paralegal to throw my time and my health away on something that is not worth anything to anybody.
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